Bonjour world- Toast here. As in, the famous King Charles rescue turned NYC fashionista/comedienne, known for my insta-fame (@ToastMeetsWorld) and adorable motherf*cking tongue out smile (I’m not bragging, I’m just saying).
These days, it seems like everyone lives half of their life with their paws glued to their smartphone. In a world dominated by likes, valencia filters (if you ever put me in the “kelvin” filter I will literally murder you,) and hashtags, it’s easy get overwhelmed by social media. Well, have no fear. I’m here to give you the ten rules of keeping your cool in the cyber world.
Carry an umbrella to protect yourself from the tears of your haters. Even if you’re not an Internet celeb, there will always be people who are trying to hate on your luxurious vacation, your sick body, or your new shoes. Don’t let them; keep shining.
Don’t be a hater. The internet makes it so easy to hide behind an anonymous username and be a bully, but c’mon, you’re better than that. Although sometimes when I see a photo of another dog’s legs in front of a body of water I want to hate soooooo bad.
Have the confidence to master the art of the selfie. No shame in a little self-love every now and again. RIP FREELY MY FRIENDS!
Hashtags are fun and useful online, my personal favorites being #TongueOutTuesday and #SundayMorningToast, but PLEASE don’t be that person hashtagging words as you actually, like, say them out loud, that’s #annoying.
Occasionally, people are interested in seeing what you’re eating. But I don’t Instagram every bowl of water I drink, so please don’t post a picture of every kale super juice you drink!
The internet is fun, but real life is fun-ner! If you’re out to dinner with your friends, be out to dinner with your friends, not out to dinner with your iPhone. I’m not even being like “put down your phone brahhhhh and check out that mondo sunset” (young Keanu Reeves voice) but seriously, once in a while you should look at your friends directly in the face.
Accept your mom and dad’s bizzaro online behaviors, and just be glad that they’re giving it their best shot, even when they think LOL means “lots of love.”
Don’t over edit. I’ll admit, I like to throw a filter on my selfies here and there, but the same rules apply for Instagrams that apply to makeup and trips to the vet: less is more.
Remember that what you post online can be permanent, and occasionally detrimental to your career or job search, so keep it classy people. Just kidding, day jobs are for suckers. I’m gonna go drink rose and poop on the floor, just because I feel like it!
Follow me, duh. Don’t be an idiot. @ToastMeetsWorld
Illustrations by DEER x DANA